Tuesday, May 18, 2010

~Le Gasp~ Angry rant from an Otaku.

I hate drama. I really do, but somehow I always get sucked into it...
The Scholarship compitition was a bust, I had no idea that the people I was compeating against were all apparently profesionals with rich parents... I was the only person there who hadn't been going to a high-end art school since I was six years old. Ta'Hell. I've never been to an art prep school, I've never seen one. My confidence went out the window and I blew it. I also realized too late that I couldn't paint my idea on drawingboard after practicing with canvase for the last month. However they still liked me enough that I start school on September 7th basically and the Admissions are trying to hook me up with other scholarships and more financial aid. So while I didn't make the full time scholarship, I didn't die either.
That's not the drama. The reason I haven't updated is because my laptop was busted in one of my stepfathers attempt at mental abuse, if they wanna know why I'm fucking crazey, they need to look in the mirror. He still blames the whole thing on me, and it's just easier to let him cause if I don't I have to leave. He already tried to force me to leave several times but mom and his mom cooled him down. All this over a bedroom it seems. I'm trying to get into college, graduate, and find a new place to live. The only thing on his mind that he cares about is that I had a pile of books and clothes next to my bed messing up, "his" house.  Slammed my laptop shut and threw it screaming for me to do something, Quoted: "Clean up this goddamn room" There was litterally only three text books and my nightclothes to pick up from where they were stacked next to my bed from where I'd been using them. He said I had pushed him and I had pushed him. I hadn't talked to him for probably two weeks. The reason:  He's lost his mind. Litterally. He's been working crazily on our yard and his parents yard because "someones gonna come over." The only people coming over are my grandparents and that's not for another month. He's mowed the lawn three times this week and scrubbed the horse trough twice. I don't even wanna mention what he's done with Grandma Adas flowergarden and has raked the gravel countless times. He works with a frantic look in his eye and screams at everyone for no reason whatsoever. He goes over the same motions over and over again and then does it AGAIN after screaming at someone. After yelling at someone he'll snap at one of us and tell us were gonna go next door and have a "civilized" dinner with the neighbors and that we'd better straighten up our acts. WTF?  Mom's worried about his sanity, I'm not. I know exactly where the hell it went. He watches nothing but Robot Chicken and that Aqua Team Hunger Forts or something. Lately though he's been watching the Story of America during his down time in the DAYtime, so I'm actually letting myself walk through our living room again cause that's actually good for you.  Before all this he used to be really really bad about calling everyone in the house, even the dogs the "N" word. -___- I find that a little inapropriate since we're all white folks. He acted like he was 'gangsta' and yet he's one of the racest people I know though he claims he's not. Everytime we try to pin it he brings up his one Colored friend he has, (that he hasn't talked to in a while) and shoved him in our face. Yet I can't even listen to the local radio station, 95.1 Jaxsonville's station cause it playes music he calls N***** music. The station played everything that's popular at the time thank you very much, that's why it's one of the most popular stations in Florida . He's already destroyed some of my CD's when he decided I wasn't allowed to listen to normal people music. I pissed him off by not only not listening to the music he said I couln't listen too so he could break more stuff, no, I went and started listening to German Opera.... Japanese Classics, and Irish Rock... Then moved to J-pop and Anime soundtracks while keeping up with the three I started with.
He's promised to keep tearing up my things untill I move out. The man just likes breaking shit. He's taken to his Xbox 360 with a baseball bat twice now and on the third one he just threw it around the house... along with the phone... and the retro alarm clock we had.... but anyways he's insane. He's getting what he want's, I'm leaving. When I brought it up he started hating on my friends saying they were talking me into leaving him and my mom and saying I wasn't allowed to talk to them anymore. HA. his dumbass just made things a lot worse for himself. Besides, I've dealt with this shit for five years, now that I'm an adult and graduating, his ass isn't going to see me for a long time. And you better beleive his ass is gonna be sitting in jail if he touches my momma, and later down the road I sure as hell don't care if he's sent to a old folks home. I'm finding him the crappiest one and putting him in it. He ain't my dad, though I act like he is cause he's the only one I've known. Hell he's not even married to my mom like my "Biological Donner" was...  I love that term... Biological Donner.... I loved my dad too, my real one, but being five years old you don't have much of a choice to who you're stuck with.

So other than that.... I'm pissed because ALL my fan-fictions have been DELETED. All my orriginal stories are gone, all my pictures, all my files. Everything I owned and worked for; my digital drawings and pictures, all my scannings and my home made Graduation Announcements. Everything is gone because of his little temper tantrum and there's nothing I can do about it. My backups were destroyed mysteriously while I was at school so the only thing I have is my prom pictures and what's on myspace. But gods damn all... why the hell did all my stories have to go.... I haven't even had a chance to upload them to fanfiction.net.... I don't even wanna talk about all the memories and videos destroyed...

The worst part of it all is the reason I'm writing this rant in the first place. He pulled me aside a few minuets ago and said he still blamed me for it all. Loosing it all because he trashed my computer in a fit of insanity was my fault. I'm pissed and putting this rant on the internet is the worst I can do without getting killed or treated like a ragdoll again. So do with this what you will.

ALSO!! someone on Theotaku dissed Kenpachi!! In a huge speach thing. >: (  I was so mad.... and let them know it!

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