FOUND IT!!

I mentioned in my last post that I couldn't find the letters I'd written to my characters for my story? Well, I was poking through my onenote and they kinda just... fell out at me when I clicked on the wrong page trying to re-organize the plot line... Just a few minuets ago~!! I was so happy!! 


Well, here goes~ Hope you enjoy them as much as I did writing them~

Dear Naiomi,

Terribly sorry dear, as it turns out, the plots been switched and your Maid has become the Main Character instead. You've also been moved from London to an entirely new world than what I'd originally planed for you and you lost your last name to the Gardener so I have to find you another one. Your butler is still the Demon Shaed and he's still under contract with you. So the fact that you're going to loose your soul to him hasn't changed, but it's not as bad as it seems, trust me. The laws within this new world are very different than in ours. Your manor still echos when you walk into it because your family is still mostly dead. Noticed I said Mostly hun. That means Someone is back, but I'm not telling you who yet. Not all is lost however, you are no longer the dog of the Royal family and you now plan parties for people and run your family business. There is also a chapter where a half a dozen men will be fighting after you and you will get your revenge on your Maid for taking your place by throwing her into the mess. Shaed will have to run in and save her in the end of that one, but at least you get to watch and laugh evilly as I know you will want to. I do want you to step up your act more now, since you are no longer the Heroin of the story Ineed you to be the Threshold guardian for Reseda in this story. No, your not the bad guy, but you are going to be her first real challenge before all hell breaks loose. You will eventually come to accept her though. I promise I won't kill you at the end of this one though. I know you were supposed to die in the original plot...

You pretty much got screwed over this time around...

With love~

Me

Dear Reseda,

Congratulations! You've been upgraded. I've given you a name instead of you being a nameless servant in Naiomi's house hold!! Feel free to fall in love with Shaed anytime dear, anything to make my job easier. As soon as you realize it though, all hopes are going to be flushed down the drain. Try not to loose heart ,love, things are not as they seem, and you really suck at walking in at the wrong part of the conversations throughout the entire story. You've become the Main protagonist in this tale! Unfortunately, everyone else seems to be the Antagonist in your eyes. What happen to your carefree nature you started out with? Oh, that's right, Naiomi. Opps, sorry but that needed to be done for character growth. You two will eventually grow on each other. Oi! I swear I'll come though the screen and strangle your neck if you fall in love with the gardener instead! Then the whole plot's ruined! Keep your eyes on the odd yet kind butler with creepy eyes. He's more than he appears and so much more worth it. Just trust me hun. Good luck and watch out for the Male Nobles!!

With love~

Me

Shaed~

Buddy, best of palls. You've gotten only a slight upgrade hun, though we have got to find you a different name. I wanted to name you Sebastian, but apparently there's another Demon butler named Sebastian. He looks cuter than you too... but then again he's an anime character. They all look cuter than realistic people nowadays. Anyhow, you've gone from falling in love with a Noble woman who had put you in contract with her to falling in love with her Maid servant. You decide if this is an Upgrade or downgrade yourself buddy. I don't want either of them to claw my eyes out. You have however been taken out of your normal Demon settings. Demons in this world are more like the Faerie in other books at least in some actions. You've all gone into hiding like they did anyway. Your kind used to live amongst the Humans but then there was this war between your grandfather and another king of Demonkind like a couple thousand years ago... oh.. yeah, I forgot to mention. Your major upgrade is that you're the unofficial king of Demons now.

Oh, don't kill Reseda. I know she's a noob in the beginning and will get on your nerves at times, just remember you chose her in the first place to take the place of the girl that got caught in the crossfire in the beginning of the story. She's red-headed for a reason, remember that as well. She's gonna get put through a lot because of it too, and it's all going to be your fault. So yes, feel bad for her. I feel bad for you. She's going to fall in love with you, and you're going to like it. Put up a good fight with yourself, please do! It adds to the drama when an Immortal king cant decide if he should let himself love a mortal or not.

Also, since you are already under contract with Naiomi, when Reseda asks you for help, remember that ones soul is not the only thing you can take from a maiden as payment. -Hint-Hint- Go get 'em tiger.

Overall, your not stuck in such a dark plot this go-around. Originally you were going to be in a huge tragedy.

Now... one last request... Please help me with the ending!!!!!!! I haven't a clue how to end it yet, except that I promised Naiomi she wasn't going to be killed off in this Novel. Unless you can think of a way to kill her without getting rid of her that is.

Anyways, I have to try not to fall in love with my own character here, sheesh!

With love~

Me

Dear Mr. Duglas

Congratulations, you're no longer a nameless old man character. You're now the Gardener who Likes Reseda, among other girls. You are also no longer a fat old man, you're pretty darn good looking if I do say so myself. Though Velarose likes you too. Eek. gotta take the bad with the good~ Not everyone in this story can be great looking you know. Besides, you like Reseda, she's considered a freak to the rest of the people! You strange, strange little character. You my friend, are mainly Comedy relief. And yes, you finally get to pimp-slap someone, and a snot nosed Noble at that! That would be one of your brighter moments in the story where you finally don't look like an flirting idiot and you get to play the hero for a chapter.

With Regards~

Me

There, now I can only hope Naiomi doesn't kill me in my sleep... I totally revised the plot around for these characters for this Novel.

I'm moving out!

And scared out of my wits about it!!
I'm sorry to say that I can't handle living in Mom and Bills depressing lifestyle of endless self pity and pointless violence and fighting, and that I must run away from it all... But these years living hear have toughened me up a bit, and while I'm afraid to leave what's familiar, I'm to the point where I'm more afraid to stay here. I've no job, and no money now because mom had to spend my tiny college fund on household things over the year since I've graduated, and I've just decided now that since I have an opening in the traffic, I'm gonna run out in into the busy street and pray I don't get hit by a buss. My friends have repeatedly tried to get me to move in with them over the years, and I've always told them no, no, no. I can't stand the idea of having to lean on someone... I wasn't raised to lean on other people, despite my parents faults, they did raise me right... Or perhaps my grandparents are the ones who instilled all the proper values. Perhaps it was a collaboration between sweet and sour? Grandparents being sweet and my parents the sour? I love them all in any case, and I'm thankful for them raising me.
So I suppose this post is a thank-you note to everyone in my life who've helped me, I wish I had been more active on an old website I used to get on when I was younger, Cleanplace.net... I don't think any of them realized they shaped much of who I am now. My love for reading and writing was amplified there, and reading and writing is much of what got me through these years. I might not be Christian, but even I know what a light-filled place can do for a person, and that little haven was filled to the brim with bright, warm people. So my first thanks goes out to everyone there, even if none of them would read this tiny self-centered little blog of mine... I'm sad to say I'd mostly forgotten about them until earlier today when someone had said something about wanting to actually go through and publish one of their books, for some reason I automatically thought of MangyCat and wondered if her sci-fi book ever was actually published... A whole bunch of memories flooded me all at once and had to sit down for a few minuets to just soak them all in again. There is much that I've stuck deep into the back rooms of my memory warehouse and lost, it's strange when such random conversations reveals something like that for me.

The next thanks I've already done in person, but is to my friends.... each of them who tried to help me even when I tried to push them all away. I am finally bending and letting you all in, and accepting your help. I still feel bloody awful about it though. -____-

Now! To get out of the weird thanking mode.... I tell you my plans... My grandparents from up north, the ones who pretty much helped raise me when mom went plop into the waters of no-life and no-anything, are coming down here to visit. I've decided to hold off leaving out of here until they get here or till after they are gone, because I don't want to give my grandmother a heart-attack. She would probably flounder in my empty bedroom if she arrived and found I'd moved out without telling her when I was leaving... I'd rather not be the cause of death for my own grandmother, I've already got to worry about too many others and making sure they don't jump out into traffic as is. By the end of next week, I'll be on the Lease of my friend's apartment. Since we use Code names all the time with us, I'll call her Chii... since that's her nick-name from our high school years. Chii and Mozzy and their family have told me over and over through the years that I could move in with them at any time, but I've always refused the offer. Piper and...   .... well, what do you know... we do have a friend who doesn't have a nick-name... I'll just call her Green for now, since that's her favorite color... Piper has tried to get me to move in with her once, though her mother and I mostly just laughed at that one, since Piper tries to get EVERYONE to move in with her... Green has been an absolute dear to me, we were going to get an apartment together once I got a license and a car and she got her car as well, but... things got a little delayed and she also couldn't bear leaving her mother, and then suggested I just move in with them... -___- Her and Chii would probably go at each-other's throats if I told either one of them that I loved the other more... I swear... I've turned into all my friends wife! It's like they worry about me sleeping with other men, except those other men are just our other friends.... It's a little complicated.... because at the same time, I'm kinda on the back burner... and number two in everyones life rather than anyones number one best friend, but they all get touchy if I seem like I'm starting to hang out with any one of them too much...  I give up trying to figure them all out...
O_O I got off track!! ANYWAYS!! I'm gonna be on Chii's apartment lease early, I don't have a job, but she says she'd rather be stuck supporting me than anyone else, and doesn't care as long as I'm not on the street.  Which made me cry. Since the apartment is in town, I can walk pretty much everywhere, and get a job. I refuse to be baggage for Chii to have to take care of. Hopefully no one's taken that job I've been eyeballing for a month at the Newspaper, and if they have, I know several places that are Hiring... I can only pray to my gods that I have a chance as I apply. Jobs in this small town are not easy to get...

Speaking of Jobs, while I spend most of my days on the internet, looking for work or videos of funny cats, I still spend a lot of my time on gaiaonline. I've been on there since I've had access to the internet I think... My current account is only five years old, but I know I've an older one, I just can't remember what it is anymore.... Jobs on there are getting hard to get too! -___- and they're not even real jobs... The artistic people of gaia really amaze me... a few years ago joint art-shops weren't really that big of a thing, now, suddenly, they are all over the place and artists hop on them like starving people! I used to work with A&D Flowers as a joint art-shop, and we were okay... Lily was obviously the best artist of us I think, Tess I believe had the most unique style... they both moved on to bigger and better things now, but for me, those were the golden days XD.  The reason I bring this up is because I'd been thinking of opening a Tarot shop up on there... To help me learn my new deck and earn a little gold. In Real life, I might be broke, and mostly homeless living with a friend, but on there my account is pretty impressive... Mostly because I'm a pack-rat and refused to throw away event items until years later when they suddenly are worth quiet a bit....  I don't talk to a lot of people, so it's not like I'm well known on there or anything, but I do read a lot... and I do mean a lot, of what's on there. I just don't talk as much. I can look about my room from my seat and count 20+ books lying about from where I've read them and then kinda just left them where they are once I was done to come to the computer and write to a few select friends on gaia about them... So I mostly talk about books and anime when I'm on gaia... I was huge into role-playing... and writing collaboratively, but I'm more for working alone so I've never been able to stick with things for very long... I wonder how long my next job on there is gonna last... The Tarot shop I've been thinking of opening, well, I'm opening it with a stranger, and I worry about it. I've been doing most of the designing, which is how I'd have it... I let her do the color choices of course, but the way I was thinking about setting up is much more elaborate than it should be I think...

Lately I've been feeling horribly guilty about all the stories I started writing and just... stopped... I've never been able to stick with them! I have commitment issues with my writing.... I start these awesome ideas, have elaborate story plots, and everything planned out and done up in my head perfectly, and then I start writing... and after chapter five or so... it just... dies. I've started a story once, Demons and Nobles was going to be the title of it, and it was halarious... because it was around Nanowrimo time.... and I watched my poor little story shift completely from one thing to something completely different. I now have two different Demons and Nobles story plots. I wrote a letter to my characters.... I wonder If I can find the letter again, because it was hilarious to me since most of it was apologizing to them all after I received a letter from my origional main character...
Here's her letter, I just dug it up from the depths of my computer...
[Dear Author,

How DARE you. first you up-seat me out of my position as the main protagonist and then you give me the role of the stupid Threshold Guardian? I'm the first bad guy of your story? What the bloody hell are you thinking woman? What's more to add to my insult you stole my last name and gave it to the Gardner for gods sake! You make me look like a heartless bitch for the most part of the story, you take MY demon and make him fall in love with MY maid servant, who by the way, you turned into the main character. How does that even work? I'm terrified for when you actually start writing! If this is the damage you do from just revising your plot there's no telling what ditch my fragile body might end up in. You say you're not going to kill me, but your original plan was for me to die at the end and for Shaed to take off with my soul and take care of it with his everlasting love. Now you have him prancing around with some servant girl from the country who's not even noble blood. I don't know who he is anymore, is he even the same character? Or did you change him around too? You basically Ruined MY story. Thanks for nothing.

Naiomi .... I DON'T HAVE A LAST NAME ANYMORE, DAMN YOU!!!]

I did my best to keep her in character when writing .. It was really fun!

I can't seem to find the note right at the moment that I wrote to all my other characters, I suppose I'll leave this next spot blank in case I ever do find it...

In any-case, I may pick this story back up again... I was heartbroken when I learned I wasn't going to be anywhere near interntets in time to finish the Nanowrimo, but now, without the pressures of getting it done on time, maybe I can do it without flailing my arms and freaking out....

In any case, it's four in the morning here now, I just wasted an hour pawing though Nano trying to find the letter to my other characters.... -___- I'm going to bed now, and leaving this silly little blog post...

I'd add another picture here that I've drawn as a goodbye gift! But I've mostly been drawing Anime Porn... lolz...

Oh, wait! I do have something!!

It's just the lineart mind you~ and the one hand went all derp on me...

and now for the colored version....

My coloring skills can still use some working on.... 

She is supposed to be dressed in all white, that's the main reason I took on this request was because I didn't need to work with so much color on the actual drawing... the background was a spontaneous surprise.... I like doing backgrounds like that, just night time ones with grass... they are so easy!!

It's only been a few weeks since my last post.

But I'd like to keep posting regularly. I've decided I'm going to have to let go of my boyfriend... But I don't know how. If I hold on any longer it's just going to hurt worse for both of us. I let us have one last happy date, pretty much locking a part of myself away so I could enjoy the time we had together while I could, cause I know It's gonna hurt. A lot. I'm scared, yet it needs to be done. I need to get on with life, and he needs to focus on his life and stop trying so hard to get closer to me. He's been trying, and trying, but the more he tries to get closer the more I pull away. He wants a family, already I know he wants a little girl name Rachel Hime T. He's told utopia like stories of our future, he had his own company, worked with computers had me at home with the kids, his best friend living just down the road with his wife, me and his best friends wife were best friends, our children were gonna grow up together and we were gonna stay in one place, stable, and happy.  I'm not entirely sure what My part in all this is, other than sitting at home raising kids and being a "happy little house wife" but I have news for the world. I am not staying in one place. I am not tying myself down. I want to get a degree, I want to travel, I want to write about far away places in far away places, I want to experience the world, and even help make a difference. Never in my life have I wanted kids, I love children, as long as they aren't mine, and I don't have to see them every day. He mentioned something on the phone earlier today when I called him "THE" Idiot, we were joking around. And he said yup, the was the idiot, but he wasn't changing and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Something clicked and I wanted to write this then, but got sidetracked.... I don't want to change him, but I don't want to change either.
I also noticed I find it hard to follow my own advice, to just do it. Just get it done and over with... I've been dragging this out for weeks, and I've run myself emotionally thin... Dangerously thin to where I've scrapped the edge of Insanity not once, but twice. Because I've not been dragging this out just for a few weeks, I've been dragging this out through the entire time we've been together. It was nice, playing pretend, but life doesn't just fall into place like that. You have to fight for it.
If I must think of a relationship example in anime terms for some of my Otaku friends... I think the best example I know is Russia and Belarus from Hetalia: Axis Powers. (Yes, I watch Hetalia... No, I don't always agree with everything said in it, nor do I really follow the stereotyping as badly) I feel like Russia in a way, if Russia were a Girl and Belarus a boy. I feel like my little brother wants to marry me. Every scene between those two reminds me of me and my boyfriend. Not quiet as literal where he's tearing doors off walls and demanding I marry him, but he's got it allll planed out in that little head of his, and it terrifies me. I don't watch enough anime to be able to think of another example... Unless you wanna do another Hetalia example with Latvia and Belarus... in this case I'm the Evil Belarus and he's the pinning Latvia... it kinda fits better actually... cept I'm not in love with an older brother.... (though I do like Russia... *giggle*... ) and the person I like isn't trying to get Latvia/my boyfriend to become one with him and form a sick little love triangle....
 We've talked... several times, but he always manages to make it into joking somehow. I know he doesn't want to hear it. Just like you guys probably don't want to be reading this.  But I have to get it out of my system... I can't really do anything else right now.... I wanna sleep, but I can't stop thinking, if I can't stop thinking I write what I'm thinking and it goes away for a little while unless I share what I'm thinking.... Cause then it goes away for good and not just for a little while....

speaking of, I posted a little something on Gaiaonline not to long ago when asked a question in Vetus Gainus... A guild for older Gaian's... on Gaiaonline...
And this was my reply... I absolutly let loose on a mini rant.

Relationship Turnoffs or Turnons.

[rant=start]
Huh, interesting topic~

Rant Start-
I can't stand a guy who lets everyone walk all over him... I'm dating one like that now though...
Whining, complaining about every-little-thing, saying how bad they have it when most people, (me included) would love to be in his shoes. He never strives for anything, he always talks like the world is just going to dump the leprechauns gold pot on his head in the future and he'll not have to work for anything. So he doesn't do anything.

I hate assumptuous  people. People who assume they know everything, who act like they know every thing, and people who talk over their own best friends, who change EVERY FREAKING SUBJECT to point right at them and their problems or what they do for something. They'll claim that they don't, but they do... The smallest and simplest things said from people like this piss me off.... majorly.

Another big turnoff, is bad hygiene... I do NOT want to kiss you if you haven't brushed your teeth all week... I do not want to come near you if you haven't had a shower in three days... I can't stand people who are unclean like that.... I can understand if he was dirty because of his job, maybe actual dirt, or somebody split a thing of flour and it got everywhere, as long as you shower it off and don't SIT in it for two days before washing.... That pisses me off.

Also... I don't like guys who lie... Or beat around the bush too much... Romanticism is nice, but a guy doesn't have to put a freaking poster on his bedroom wall of me or tell me he loves me every ten minuets... -___- cause that's just creepy.
[/rant]


I purposely left the other half... of the conversation off cause you didn't need to read the cheesy girly daydream boy I put as the perfect guy. I don't like perfect, but there are just things that don't click with me. the whole time I wrote this I was thinking of my boyfriend. so far I don't think he's ever lied to me, but all the others fell right under his name. And he doesn't have a poster of me either.... cause I saw what he did with his last girlfriend when she let him have a few pictures of her... he had them EVERYWHERE. His room was Decorated in her.... *facepalms*

I really don't know how to do this.... Last time I had two best friends, I may have been their third wheel, but they were my best friends at the time, to help me out. Now, I'm kinda on my own with a small handful of good friends... not Best friends, but really good friends.... I mentioned them a few posts ago I beleive.... They've been such dears, but now I'm feeling selfish. I've been complaining about this for ages and not doing anything about it... I'm a selfish coward. I've... never been truly hated before... I don't want him and his family to hate me when I do it... I always want to make everyone happy, be every ones friend... but with cracking love I guess I can't do that anymore. I'm going to have to break something else or be broken myself.
I'm scared.
That's all I have to say this morning... I guess....

Oh, wait... one more thing...

I drew this today!! ^_____^
Somehow though... my scanner dimmed out some of the details... and made it look not as bold as it was... I have it all shaded in, not that you can see half of it... and it's much darker than this in reality... *shakes head* I think I need a new scanner... It scans dark lines and pen very well, but all the other details get left out.

Pens, Paper, Doodles and Life.

I do a lot of writing on the computer... Though lately it's all nothing but Fanfiction and Roleplaying... Sad...




I was cleaning my room up today and saw my stack of neglected notebooks under my bed. They seemed to be depressed looking, and accusing me of leaving them... I used to do nothing but write with the ole pen and paper method... I love my Pens... I usually write with a Pilot Precise V5... Extra Fine~ Simply because It's the first pen I actually fell in love with... I'll never forget the night I stayed at my aunts house and had managed to leave my pencil in the car that mom had taken off in after dropping me off there. I was all sad like because I couldn't write in my Journal so I asked my Aunty for a pen~ and She handed me one of hers. It only just happened to be the Precise V5..... She let me keep it too after I told her how much I liked it. The next time I went shopping, mom was surprised to have me actually ask to get a certain kind of pen... Before then I had always hated writing with pens... Having to have used those crappy Bic Disposables she bought in bulk all the time, I never was really exposed to anything else. Since then I've used pretty much nothing else... then In my senior year of Highschool Mom bought me an Inc Forma pen. I loved how bold the Ink was, so that quickly became another favorite. In the 11th grade, my Tallent Search Counciler gave me a Caligraphy set. It was a cheap set really, but I really had a lot of fun with it. I learned my way around the fountain pens quickly and took pride in taking care of the crappy plastic set. XD Then my Grandma noticed how much I loved them and gave me a catalog of them and I nearly died of happiness. I couldn't buy anything from it, but I wanted to sooo badly.  I promised myself that as soon as I had a job and a bank account open, I was going to start buying more "Fancy Pens" as Grandma calls them... Meanwhile... Shortly before I graduated, Bill gave me some Unmarked pens... I found it odd that they had no brand or writing on them what-so-ever... but I loved the Ink in them... It was pretty! Blue Violet, and smoother than a babies bottom... So far they are my favorite among colored inks... Since everything else I write with is Black. I tried the Pilot Precise V5 in colors... but the color was weak it seemed... the red wasn't very strong, the Blue was okay. It was a blue-blue. Green just plain sucked in my opinion... That or I might have just gotten a bad set of the pens.... they just seemed too weak colored to me. I like the colors that pop off the page, Black, is my favorite so far.
The same time I received the unmarked pair of pens, Bill also gave me a Cross Chrome Pen and Pencil set. Very pretty, and would be good on display, as for function... I HATED THEM. They had no grip, and were too slippery and too thin to hold on too! The pens ink was just... I don't know... It was okay I guess, but it just felt too dry to me... I'm used to writing with liquid inks so I guess that was the problem... And the color wasn't very striking... it was a pale blue that looked like it was trying to compare to the real color of blue... and ended up being watered down to a sad excuse of a color.... The pencil litterally pissed me off. The point of writing with a pencil, is to be able to see what you are writing. Whatever lead or whatever they used was in the thing, absolutly sucked. It was just like the Pen, only with lead that didn't hardly write. The only thing I liked about the Pencil, was how the Eraser was cleaverly hidden... and worked rather well too. I didn't even know there was an eraser untill I tried to pull the pencil apart to get to the lead. I was going to rip it out and put something else in there... but I ended up oogaling at the thing cause when I pulled it apart there was a cheerfully dull looking eraser just sitting there all nubby looking and cute. I actually forgot about the lead and found another pencil to write with so I could test the eraser...
So I hate the pencil, but I love the little eraser, it worked really good...
Wait... what on earth was I talking about before I got stuck on pens???
Oh, yeah! Writing!

I need to get back to writing with paper and pen again.... I Blame 'Economy Pens' for my little pen rant... I've been reading his posts most of the day... I was hoping to find another alternitive to my little favorite~ I like trying new things.... I might follow his, and many others lead by occasionally reveiwing pens... I don't know... I have to find SOMETHING to write about....

I know that before writing all this, I was waiting for someone to reply in one of the roleplays I'm part of, and I started doodling, and playing with my pens... which I'd dug out the lot of them after reading the Economy pen blog.... And then I noticed I had my Camera at my desk... and then Picture Taking started up... while I was oh so bored.....
sooo.... these pictures are the Results of what happens when I read someones blog for once, and drag everything out.....

Just a little spoof... I LOVE my mello yello....

This here be that Cross Pen and Pencil set I mentioned earlier... you'll notice that

you can't see the eraser on the pencil... (the one on the bottom)

You have to pull the thing apart in the middle to see it...

It was supposed to be a Music note... but ended up looking more like a fish...

And I accidently drew over the crappy cresent moon I tried to draw before hand, lol!

Some more doodles... and randomly my earbuds... I had been listening to King of the World

by Porcilin and Tramps while drawing...

This one I was actually thinking about my characters Skirt... I wanted a Paisley like design on it...

and started drawing, thats what came out of it... as for the Random eye....

I have no explination for the random eye... I usually don't draw those with pens since I'm picky about shading.

Do excuse the Spelling mistakes if you see any... I've been spoiled by SpellCheck...

But this is a poem I wrote... in the watercloset...

...........

Don't ask while I randomly wrote my pen a love letter poem thing while on the toilet...

Random Picture of me and a Ducky!!

I'm not too fond of duckies in General...

Just mine!

^__^

And with that.... I leave you....

BAI!! and good morning...

(it's now Five in the morning here....)

It's a New year, and I haven't posted yet!

I noticed I was letting my blog slip, but I have no idea what to really write... I could ramble on all day about my everyday life, but that bores even me... and often can be depressing... I've thought about it long an hard, and I think I'm going to find myself a pen pal... I've wanted to for years, but every time I turned around and was ready to find myself one, we moved... Now days I have a laptop, and I can do everything via-Internet.... So perhaps soon I'll start blogging about that? I don't know... I don't have any real hobbies except Roleplaying... I used to do nothing but Write and Draw.... I haven't drawn anything seriously in a long time... A little Fan-art here and there, and that's about it. Most days, I do nothing but sit on my ass at my computer and Roleplay with my friends... I'm still waiting for our tax papers to come back so I can do Fasfa and get back into college again. My mom and Bill won't let me get a job, sadly... With no job, I have no income, with no income, I can't pay for Gas, or even get a car... With no car, I'm stuck at home unless my friends come all the way out here and get me.

Since mom and Bill both are Unemployed as well, we have no Tv, so I've nothing to distract me but the internet, They have been looking for jobs, but since the bottom fell out a few months, and we had to leave FL... Bills never been the same. Nothing seems to Motivate him, and he dosn't really even try anymore. I found out they had to take out a loan, I don't know how they thought they were going to pay it... but in the end, my grandparents had given each of there children 5k... My great Grandma Jewl Passed away a little while back, and My grandfather wanted to split his inheritance between his kids... If it weren't for that, I don't know what we'd have done.... Most of it went to pay off the loan apparently, and everything else was to keep us living. We didn't have a Christmas this year... We did, but it was really small... We had a wonderful dinner, and I got a book and a Nightcover for Christmas... Mom and Bill got 10$ gift cards from me.... We still managed to have a good Christmas. It was painfully sad, but we kept smiling. We were lucky to have a roof over our heads, there are people out there who don't even have that. We're doing a bit better since then now, I have Internet again. While we still worry, we're not trying to dig under the couch for coins anymore... Mom and I do oddjobs for cash sometimes. She's fed up with this county though, no one apparently wants to hire her.... I keep telling her to widen her search to Gainsvill and Jaxsonvil.. but she's apparently decided she's going to put an add in the Newspaper and start cleaning houses as a living.



In any case, we're doing a lot better than we had been, thanks to my Grandparents.... Yesterday, my boyfriend hurt my pride... I'd been keeping most of how we are doing low and a secret from everyone around me. He knows a little of how we're doing... but not all of it... He asked me how it was we can't do anything money wise, and yet we're going on all these trips up north. His tone had been one of sarcasm... That actually hurt... and kind of pissed me off... Here his family is going out all the time to go four wheeling and camping, they have two ps3's and are living comfortably... I'm listening to him complain almost every day how he doesn't have anything... And he does that. I was... not very happy. I did my best not to hang up on his ass, or show I was anything less than amused and told him that my grandpa had paid for those trips... I didn't need him knowing we couldn't live where we were anymore because we couldn't afford it, and that we'd gone up their to work for my uncle....  My mom and Bill have gone through great lengths to keep me protected from this, but me being me, I can get anything out of my mother and I pay more attention than they think I do... But for me to hear that from him...
I don't know if I can take him anymore... I have too much on my mind without having to deal with his weak and spoiled ass unloading his "problems" on me... When he's not complaining he's talking about his stupid guild... I used to be a part of it... and it was cool when it started, but it's been taken over by Illiterate little kids... and it kills me to try to read their posts... It's just plain lame now... and he still seems to think he's the baddest shit that ever hit the roleplay world.. yet he spells "Of" as "Ov" half the time.... and his Character is... not a character... it's him with a different name and looks like he tried to upgrade a kids toy to make it cool.... and it came out lame... and Shallow...
  He's just been doing nothing but pissing me off lately... 
I'm just not made out for this happy, lovey dovey crap...




On a side note, My friends Neverlove, BrokenWolf, and Lucky have been the best.... They distract me from EVERYTHING that's been depressing me lately~ And they put up with my occasional ranting... I'm know I often seem rather self centered... but hell... I hate that about myself... and blame my mommy for raising me an only child... I keep catching myself turning convorsations... I don't like that... But they put up with me... and I love them for it.... I don't know if they'll ever know how much they mean to me... right now, those three are my best friends... The others that people usually assosiate me with... have their own friends and I'm just really a side project.. I am for most of my friends... Mozzy Excluded from that list... But Chii and Gerhkin... I was the third wheel on their friendship, I always knew that they were best friends with eachother... when they split, I don't know what happened... I love them both despite the fact I was third wheel, I was okay with it... I had lots of friends through highschool... But those two and Meredith were the closest to me... and I was third wheel to all of them... With Meredith, who say's I'm her Bestie... It's almost always her... me... and her boyfriend... whichever one it is... I love meredith... but again... awkward third wheel on my part... The girl is absolutly boy sex crazy... -____- something I'm actually not...
I don't think I've had a real best friend since Stephani D. From Elementry.... I've always been part of a group of friends...
When Chii and Gehrkin split, the two wheels went in opposite directions and I was sort of one wheeling it through everything since....
Kayleigh, Caitlin, and Cory.... Aka Lucky, Neverlove, and Broken Wolf.... have probably been the only reason I even get up anymore for the last... two-three months...
And I love them dearly for that. Having to deal with all this crap on my own has been hard, but those three have kept me going...
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Who's the most famous person you've met?

Vic Mignogna. Voice actor of Several amazing characters... Tamaki from Ouran Highschool, Dark from DNAngel, Edward Elrick, from Full Metal Alchemist, Ikkaku Madarame, from Bleach... some from Dragon ball stuffs, a nother from Yu-yu-Hakusho... I ain't gonna list the whole dang list... I'm just gonna answer da question... http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd51/jenny_sheep/vic-mignogna-232x300lllllllllllllll.jpg

Ask me anything, I Draw, I write, I cosplay... sometimes... And will answer most questions truthfully.

What one thing are you exceptionally bad at?

Multiplications!! and Memorizing things... most of the time Names.

Ask me anything, I Draw, I write, I cosplay... sometimes... And will answer most questions truthfully.